Happy Kids vs. Disciplined Kids - Is There a Difference?

Parenting isn't easy. We're not just mothers and fathers. We're teachers, preachers, taxi drivers, nurturers, providers, and disciplinarians. Well, that last one seems to be up for debate.

My children were placed in our home over two years ago and we adopted them last year. For the sake of their privacy, we'll call my nine year-old son (soon to be ten!) James and my eight year-old son Peter. My kids have been through a lot and have had some serious behavioral issues to overcome. We've worked very hard together to learn about making good choices. I am very proud of how much they've achieved.

With that said, when I see these kids running around, bossing their parents, and making demands, I shake my head and say a quick prayer for them.

A parent's main job is to safely raise a good adult. There are some parents who believe their job is to make their kids happy. To those parents, I say:

While your child asked twelve times if he could have that toy because he knew your answer would change to 'yes' eventually, my child was using the skills he's learned to calculate whether or not the toy was worth buying with his own money.

While your child demanded fifteen more minutes in the McDonald's play room when you said it was time to go, my child was learning respect and responsibility by helping me clean the table before we left.

While your child wouldn't stop jumping on the couch at a friend's birthday party and you couldn't be bothered to ask how your child did when you picked him up, my child was bowing his head in sincere apology for his misbehavior. 

While your child's team wasn't keeping score to spare his/her feelings, my child was learning to persevere in the face of failure.

While your child was walking away from you as you were giving him/her instructions, my child was learning about active listening and using his eye contact to hear what I was saying.

While you may think your child is happy now, when he/she grows up, the real world won't care about his/her feelings and your child won't know how to deal with disappointment and peers who won't bend to his/her every desire. 

Despite the discipline I dish out to teach my kids, or, more accurately, because of it, my kids are happy and they will know how to be happy when they become teenagers and adults.

Kids can be both happy and disciplined, however, if you focus on the happiness and never on the discipline, in the long run, your child won't be happy. He/she will eventually be slapped with reality and won't know how to handle it.

My kids are not perfect nor am I the perfect parent, but I do hold them and/or myself accountable when needed. That is how we learn from our mistakes.

I didn't write this article to offend, but I think it's an important lesson. Many parents are just too lazy to discipline their children. It's so much easier to give them what they want when they want it than to have to stand your ground. Standing your ground, after all, is exhausting! Trust me, I know! However, it's worth all the hard work. My children are my joy and I love watching them grow both physically and maturely.

I am so grateful to my parents for raising me and my siblings using a combination of love and discipline. It has made me the God loving, happy person I am today.